..let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful.
-Hebrews 10: 22-23
This is the anthem of my heart right now. Couldn’t find a better song to express my gratitude looking back! Even in my darkest moments last year, God still allowed me to stomach down this one song. I have a long way to go but His word commands I continue to persevere and not give up hope.
Oh Lord, I pray You make my faith unshakable and pleasing in Your sight. May my faith not be dictated by circumstance or pressure; may it be consistent and always reminded of Your promises. And when I stumble, may I always be reminded of Your faithfulness towards me. May these words not return void to You. I know its only by Your grace, compassion, and mercy that I can persevere in my walk with You but I know also that I too hold the keys to being victorious. May I faithfully do my part. May the year 2017 be memorable and sweet! May You do what only You can do. In your beautiful name I pray,
Prayer, sacrificial love, waiting on the Lord, the beauty of being alone with God, confession, cultivating a spirit of surrender: all these spiritual disciplines I see God refining in me. I’m so grateful that as my relationship with Christ grows, He reveals new and even old treasures to awaken my soul. Even when I’m in my moments of stagnancy, He continues to teach, mold, and encourage me. I see these life lessons manifest itself even more through the life of my dear sister who is going through so much opposition and captivity now. She has been in the crux of my prayers and part of my being. She is one of the miracles of deliverance that I’m waiting for God to bring to pass. She is one of the reasons why I am waiting patiently on the Lord. She is one of the reasons why I am being still before His presence. This trial between my sister and me is what has been shaping us. Most of my dark valleys, my walks through the fiery furnace, my passing through the rivers have been shaped through my moments with my sister. Through perseverance of this, I honestly have to thank my sister for making me into the woman I am today even though I wish she wouldn’t have chose the route she did. If God were to allow me to choose a trial to strengthen my character I wouldn’t want this. But God’s ways are not my ways. There is purpose through everything and with what God allows, whether bad or good, he always turns it to bring Himself glory and strengthen up His people. I even see the work Christ is doing in my sister’s life. Despite my sister’s brokenness, I see through her perseverance in this that she is a fighter. Through her poor choices, she still has a fighting mentality. For my sister to go through what she has and see what she has seen and still manage to look up with a smile and say, “I love you” I know Christ is not done with her yet. Its only a matter of time until I see deliverance. Until then, I continue to offer up my broken praises unto Him. Although I still wrestle from time to time with these circumstances, I still catch glimpses of hope and see the maturity and redemptive power that He is displaying within me and my family. I see the growth in my faith and my awareness for my Savior more and for that I’m forever grateful.
I walk upon one of my patients sitting alone in his room in the dark. He sits pacing uncontrollably as he talks to himself and hallucinates. He is battling Alzheimer disease. My heart breaks. I sit next to him and ask if i can hold him. He stops his pacing and calms down that I can kiss his forehead and hold him. As I look at him holding me I began to cry…Lord I don’t understand this disease and it breaks my heart to see someone battling this. I wanted to remove his pain and give him an answer but couldn’t. But I asked him as I held his hand if we can pray together and he said yes. And at that moment I realized the best I can do at that time of his loneliness is hold him and tell him that I care. “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God” 2 Cor 1:3-4 I looked at him and I saw myself. I saw how broken I am and how desperately I need a Savior. How desperate I’m in need of a Comforter. Lord may we be aware of our deprived condition and seek you. And with every opportunity we get may we display your love and compassion in the midst of our lack of understanding. Amen. I was drawn to this song because it shows that sometimes when you feel your all is not enough God still shows up and gives us the guidance we need.